We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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