Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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