My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
