ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
