Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
