Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
