Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
