we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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