It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
