Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need a beard to bite.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
