The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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