it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
