I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
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the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
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Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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