Sry I called you an 8
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
