you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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