if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
