I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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