I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Will exercising make me less horny?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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