My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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