So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
