im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
