I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize