I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
