I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
