he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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