The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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