So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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