READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
