I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
