My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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