$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
