her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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