Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
