This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
