Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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