Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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