Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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