I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
