I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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