i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
