You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
