We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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