im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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