Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I would ride that face into the sunset
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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