I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
