Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
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