I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
