would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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