i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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