I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
