i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
