so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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