he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
