I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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