Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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