I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize