Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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