The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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