whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
