I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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