I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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