I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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