That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize