just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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