: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
