i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
