What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
