dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
