Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
