Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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