you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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